tonight i gave it my best shot at super-mom and took Katelynn and her friend to the Steve Fee concert at Free Chapel in Gainesville. this was really a no-brainer for me because a) it was close b) it was free c) Katelynn and i were “accidentally” late to school multiple times last year while driving around with the windows down and listening to the We Shine album as loud as we possibly could without giving Tanner permanent hearing loss. (so…LOUD.) and d) she watched this video and giggled for at least an hour because she knew what the cabbage was for and…well, that’s just funny. 
but the main reason for me taking her? i’ll do anything i can to lead her to Jesus, and anything i can to have her introduced to the Gospel as often as possible. of course i take her to church, but that’s not enough. i know it’s my job — my primary ministry — to disciple her, and that scares the crap out of me. she lives with me. she knows how often i am or am not in the Word. she knows the conversations i choose to have or not have. she knows how often i choose patience over impatience. and how often i love, or ignore. i recognize that i don’t exactly have a reputation for being non-emo, but talking about my girls’ salvation is probably the fastest way to make my eyes leak. i just want it so bad for them. i want so desperately for them to know — to OWN — that they are loved. and chosen. and intentionally created with purpose. beautiful. worthy. never alone. to know that there’s a calling on their lives. and that they’ll never find fulfillment in anything but Jesus. i want them to find Him fast enough that they don’t have to endure excessive heartache or repercussions from making bad choices. i want them to be fully alive and in love with their Creator. i recognize that they belong to Him; He’s graciously allowing me to take care of them; and He wants a relationship with them much more than I want them to have one. but leading them to Him is a responsibility that i don’t take lightly, and i feel this sense of urgency and inadequacy when it comes to teaching my kids about Jesus.
and there, my friends, is where my elementary inept emerges. sometimes i just don’t know what to do. what do you do when a kid responds, “yeah mom, i’ve said that prayer. we say it like all the time in Sunday School.” “did you mean it?” “duh.” what? sarcasm? how can you know for sure when a child — on their level — really grasps onto Jesus? and what do you do with silliness? how can one go from talking about a very serious theological topic to laughing profusely? or from an intense worship song to giggling and making funny faces? what?!? it makes me want to scream, “this is serious!!! be serious!!!” but clearly that’s uneffective. therefore, it’s quite obvious that my calling isn’t children’s ministry.
buy anyways, Katelynn and I love music, so off to the Fee concert we went. he’s one of my favorites. why? because when he explains his songs during the set you can tell that he really believes what his lyrics proclaim. what he says in between songs is often as (if not more) profound than the songs themselves. so…i hope Katelynn heard some of that tonight. i know she had a blast jumping up and down and singing “We Shine,” and i wanted her to. because music and dancing and singing are fun. but what i wanted most is for her to hear once again about the God of the universe who still runs to the broken… the very big, one true God…wants her. loves her. and is whispering her name.
